Competing For Attention

I’m feeling loneliness now a days.
I think I’m being an adult right now
Living in a joint family system isn’t that easy when your own family is so big…kind of having own benefits and harms..
These people don’t need any individuality, competing for attention from parents.
I can now clearly see why these people hate each other, trying to be good to each other for the sake of love.

I think these people are being nice to each other because they want to show their parents that we are good people.

Being the smallest child in my family, now my parents forget me that I exist in that large family.

I think that’s why I went through abandonment issues in my teenage life and made mistakes.

I wanted to perform well because then my parents noticed me and praised me and I was able to get their attention,affection and love as I thought being able to receive love, you should give something in return in that give and take I lived my years..

I rebelled against my parents because I wanted my parents attention because I wasn’t doing well in my studies..

Now when I’m silent, I think now after today’s incident when I noticed my elder brother competing with me for attention, I felt his loneliness and emptiness.

My mother forgot today that I existed..

Now I think I don’t want to fight, compete for my parents attention or love.

And I think there is no need in love to give or take

It doesn’t matter

Clinging onto someone who doesn’t want you in their life, let those people go..

If someone loves you, they love you.

Even if you remain silent, they will never forget you..

Let those people go away who are not there for you in the time of need…

LET THEM GO…